I was young and impetuous and a little bit angry at God. I was twenty one and pregnant with my first child. I had had a job that I loved but standing for hours on end was so hard on my back. ( Must have been those heels. ) So I quit work in order to get ready for my small miracle.


It has been a year since my father in laws death. He almost died on his birthday and God graciously chose to give us two more months with him. A piece of me died the day he died.

I debated on whether to go or not. I was tired because I had had a busy day the day before. But mostly because Sean wasn’t feeling well. He was getting over a cold that hit him all of sudden and I just wasn’t sure he would be in top form to be participating in a parade for Welcome Wagon.

I don’t know why I was cut to the core so deeply when I found out about Robin Williams death.

I have talked a lot about my father in law since I started this blog a year ago. He made a huge impact on my life and I needed to write in order to navigate the waters of grief as he was dying.


Today would have been my father in law’s 76th birthday. His fierce loyalty and compassion – first to his family and then to his God was undeniably his greatest strength and an amazing inspiration to thousands around the world. He was man small in stature but a giant in spirit.


Last summer was a rough summer. My father in law was dying and that was taking most of our days and most of our attention. We didn’t go away. We stayed close to home. We didn’t have a vacation. We didn’t go to the zoo or go camping or go to Waterton or any of those things that we normally do in the summer.

When my husband and I were dating in Bible College, we began to talk about the future a lot. We talked about our dreams, our goals, our thoughts, our destiny – as most do when they start getting serious with each other. We had similar views on what we thought our destiny and our calling in life would be.


Is depression a sign of weakness? Is anxiety a symptom of being inferior?

He stood there blowing more kisses as I drove away. I was late. I needed to make my appointment. It was a domino effect.