This post is very personal to me. I don’t think that I have ever shared this story with anyone. Which is odd – specifically because it was one of the most pivotal points in my life. It was a day I will never forget.


I knew this would happen. I knew it would. I have been through enough seasons to know that eventually it will come.


The other day a friend of mine sent me this picture. Immediately I smiled. I remember when I slipped it in her Bible. She had left her Bible at my place so before I gave it to her, I slipped a few notes in her bible like this. And suddenly I remembered all those words I have written to people. There are literally people all over the world that bare my words on their heart. You see, I decided a long time ago that I wanted my words to carry life. I want my words to carry healing.

We were just kids when we got married; hardly dry behind the ears. We were young enough to know nothing, but believe that we knew everything.


It was what I needed. I needed a vacation. I remember saying that I needed a pause button in life and I really and truly received exactly that. I would almost say that it was life changing for me.


I don’t know if it’s because I just turned 50 recently. I don’t know if it’s because my father in law who I was so close to, passed away far too early and far too quickly. Or maybe it is because of betrayals that I have felt so deeply or the shrinking church instead of the growing church or my growing body instead of a shrinking one. But somewhere along the line, I feel rattled. I feel shaken. Like the ground under my feet is not solid and I am trying to catch my balance.

I love purses. I love going to Taiwan and finding beautiful, lovely purses. I love walking into a store and spotting a wonderful purse. I love receiving purses. In fact, I actually get giddy with excitement when someone gifts me with one. So consequently, I have a few of them. I have a rubbermaid bin of purses that I have in my closet and I periodically change my purse out for a different one

As 2014 approaches, I have realized that 2013 taught me some hard lessons. I wanted to share them with you.


I cried because of the madness that this world is sometimes. I cried because you don’t ever know and not knowing makes it as scary as a big black hole in the earth. I cried because some days I live wondering when the next bullet is going to hit; wondering when the next massive wave is going to overtake me and I am going to feel myself drowning again.

This summer I could see it from my kitchen window. Every morning when I turned on my dearly loved keurig coffee machine, I looked out the window and I smiled.