I was standing on the edge of a big decision and I wasn’t sure if I was brave enough to jump off.
“Do you deal with anxiety?” The nurse asked me sharply. Did I hear a hint of judgement in her voice?
A few months ago, I cleaned out my entrance way closet. It was so cluttered and so messy, I couldn’t fit my coats in there anymore. I couldn’t shut the door and I was always mortified when company needed to get in there.
My nine year old son said it and it gripped me. I couldn’t let it go.
You could feel the pulse of the unspoken terror as she faltered into the room full of judgmental people; full of people ready to mock and demean her. The stale air was stifling with anger and scorn directed solely at her.
I always choose a new word for myself as a new year approaches. I usually think about it and pray about it and decide what this year is going to look like for me and what this year is going to mean in my life. This year I felt like my word should be ‘miracles’. I have been mulling over this word for a month now. Every where I turn I find something to do with miracles and a stirring in my spirit which means, simply, that I chose the right word for my life in this year.
So much of our lives are spent waiting for that big moment.; waiting for that “when” moment.
It’s hard to believe that it has been a month since our conference with the leaders of the churches that we are involved with. Our little church belongs to a community of several churches both in England and in Canada. What does this say to me? It says that i am not alone.
I could almost hear her thoughts screaming at me. “It’s NINETY CENTS lady. Give it a rest!” I had gone through the till at Walmart and she owed me ninety cents but forgot to give it to me before she shut the drawer of the cash register.
Four words that changed my world. ” Your baby is dead. Your baby is dead.” My doctor was running along beside my stretcher, in the halls of the hospital.