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When God Sees

One morning a few months ago,  I woke up and I felt frazzled. Jeremy gone,  lack of sleep all week, running, running, running, cleaning up child puke, dog poop and trying to make sure I was showered with matching socks and a smile on my face as I arrived to work on time.

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 When God Hears

 

It’s okay to feel weak and broken and hurt.  It’s better than okay to be transparent and honest  so that you are not sweeping your feelings under the rug.   But your feelings - the place where you are at now was never meant to be a camping spot.  That’s where many of us are making a mistake.   We are vulnerable - we are out there.

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When God Speaks

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When the Pharisees brought the prostitute to Jesus’ feet and recommended that they stone her,  they were trying to trap him.    With a smirk on their faces they waited expectantly for his reaction.   What would he say?  What would he do?

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It Only Takes One Word

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  When the bible talks about a lady in the Bible who had an issue of blood I think of myself.  I don’t really know what her medical issue was.  The bible doesn’t really say.   But I know that I have had  issues for about four years now.  And when I have lost so much blood that my iron reaches the depths of danger,   I find it hard to move.  I find that walking feels like I am walking through molasses.   Blowing away the cobwebs in my mind to think clearly, to act succinctly seems like a monumental task.   I can sympathize with her deeply as she struggles through the crowd to get to that one who can change everything for her.

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Mary dried her eyes and walked slowly to the grave with flowers and perfume in hand.   Her heart was so heavy as she reminisced about all the happenings in the last few days.   Jesus had been cruelly crucified.

As she got there,  she gasped.  What had happened?   The stone to the tomb had been rolled away.  Anger welled up in her.  Fear consumed her.  Who would do such a terrible thing?  Did someone play a cruel joke?

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Be Still And Know

“God is our protection and our strength. He always helps in times of trouble. So we will not be afraid even if the earth shakes, or the mountains fall into the sea, even if the oceans roar and foam, or if the mountains shake at the raging sea…God says, ‘Be still and know that I am God. I will be supreme over all the nations. I will be supreme in the earth.’” Ps. 46:1,10

My biggest question as a follower of Christ my whole life is how can it be okay when it’s not okay? As a person who has dealt with anxiety and several crazy illnesses in her lifetime, the little platitudes:

“it will be okay.”

“ God’s got this.”

“ He won’t give you anything more than you can handle.”

“ He is going to heal you, turn the tide, bring breakthrough.”

They don’t always help. Don’t get me wrong - they do sometimes. I have said them myself. But I use a lot of caution when I throw out the Sunday school answers. I have to truly believe what I am saying. They have to be right for the occasion.

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Powerful Stories

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Up to this point I had only known miracles when it came to my children’s births.

My pregnancy with my son was relatively smooth until the end.  I got very ill with toxaemia and then with pre-eclampsia.  They had to take him a month early.  But here he was a bouncing beautiful baby boy and I recovered stronger than before.  I saw God’s hand through it all. Miraculously even.

Then there was my daughter.   All of the doctors who were involved in my journey with Tiffany’s pregnancy told me she wouldn’t make it. My family doctor, who didn’t want to be negative  told me over and over, he just didn’t know.  He knew that we had many people praying all over the world for her and he knew that that was important.

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What Do You See?

 

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It lies in all of us.

Some more than others.

That desire to please. The desire to be better, work harder run stronger.  But not in the way that motivates and spurs us on - but in that soul crushing, defeating way.

That craving to be as good as our friends. Found as worthy. As valuable and as precious. But often we are found wanting. Maybe not by anyone else but our own cruel selves.

I think it’s called shame. There is always something; always more we could be or more we should have been. We feel marred. We feel second class. We feel that no matter what we do or what we say or how we act, we can never make the cut - the cut of life.

Whatever it is, there is that deep missing component in our lives aching for fulfillment; aching to  lessen the grip of unworthiness.

When I go through those dark caverns of life, I reach for my Bible. What does He say about me?

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Who Am I?

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It was ten crazy months ago. 

I sat there and stared at it blankly for a long time.  I wasn't sure how to answer it - the silly question on my piece of paper.   "Has anything unusual happened to you today? "  I picked up my pen and started to answer, "Yes - the church we pastored for ten years is closing. "

I erased it.  It was too fresh.  There would be too many questions that I wouldn't feel comfortable answering. It had only happened that day.

I started again,  "Yes,  I have to let something go that was very dear to my heart.”

Again,  too personal for a stranger. 

But I had to write something.  They were doing a sleep study on me and needed to know if anything was going to impede my sleep.  I settled for a lie. 

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