Everywhere I look I see cancer. I see cancer in the sky, in the air, in the sun. Every moment fills my mind with all the hurt and pain of what I see my father in law going through right now. I try to look ahead. I try to think of something to say other than subjects with death and dying and cancer, and life, and deep subjects and I can’t. I try to write about peaceful things, ordinary moments and all my words seem hollow.
I go to Walmart and people are laughing and skipping and talking and loving the life they are in and I wonder how they could. I wonder how anyone could go on with life in that way. I wonder why the world hasn’t stopped. Because mine has. I wonder why everyone is walking faster than I am. I wonder why life is going on without me.
Cancer is vile and ugly and mean. There is nothing about it that is remotely ok.
And then I read Ps. 46:
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.
Therefore, we will not fear,
though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though it’s waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within,
she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts
The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress...
He says, “Be still and know that I am God…”
THE LORD ALMIGHTY IS WITH US; THE GOD OF JACOB IS OUR FORTRESS.
And I realize that Jesus is enough.
He is enough to get me through my day.
He is enough to get me through my moment.