I had a beautiful painting in mind. Beautiful, wild, swirly, moving colours with two words on the
painting. Begin Again. I will still do it. But not before I write this blog post.
A few years ago - well quite a few now, I got serious. I got serious about losing weight. I joined weight watchers. I rallied the troops around me so that I would have a large support group. And I went after it with all that I had - 120%!! I saw the pounds fall off. Looking back on it now, it didn’t even seem that hard. I am sure that it was at the time. I don’t remember plateaus. I don’t remember discouragement. I just remember that I lost weight. And I felt amazing at the end of that journey. I looked amazing too.
Then, guess what happened?! Yep, you are right. I gained it ALL back and then some more. I have spent many a minute, kicking myself for making the wrong choices over and over again until I saw the weight come back on. All that hard work. It’s not hard to fall back into those patterns. It’s not hard to take leaps back when you have taken steps forward. Those grooves are ingrained in your journey - like deep, familiar ruts. It’s easy to slide back into those old grooves when you haven’t quite created the new ones as deep.
A few weeks ago, my son just went in to his room and he yelled, “oh my goodness, that looks awesome!!” We had spent the afternoon cleaning it and organizing it. He loves it when it looks like that. But he doesn’t always make the choices in order to bring the peace and order to his room - even though he knows that he likes it so much!! As an adult, I know the things that give me peace, the things that I enjoy, but I don't always make the right choices to get me to that spot.
About a year before my father in law died, I started again. I was determined to be healthy. I have all the right reasons. I have a family I want to grow old with - really old. I even started a group on facebook that was great. It was not only motivating to me - it was motivating to others as well. I did well. I saw weight come off. This time it was slower and it was harder and I saw more plateaus. Slowly but surely I saw weight come off and I felt healthier.
When my father in law, got ill, I laid down all my work outs that I was doing. I was obsessed with working out and being healthy and eating right. For a season, it was okay to lay it down. Hours by his bed, meals at the hospital, meals provided by amazing friends and heart family. I needed to put it on a back burner for awhile while I shifted my priorities. It was the right thing to do. What I didn’t need to do is to turn to food after my father in law died; to turn to those familiar thoughts of food that have been so much a part of my life; to let food comfort my soul. That’s where I went wrong. I see it now, but not before I gained most of my weight that I worked so very hard to take off.
Now I could hurl insults at me. I could be ashamed. I could be mean to myself and hate myself for the decisions that I have made in these last years. I could berate myself. I could even give up altogether. All of those things are tempting things to do. But I realize that they wouldn’t be helpful things to do. They wouldn’t give life to my soul or health to my body. So this is what I am choosing to do.
I am choosing to Begin Again. I am choosing to start all over again, with the same resolve, with the same determination, with the same gusto that I had those other times.
Life is like that. Life is full of mistakes and failures and stopping and quitting and then beginning again. Life is full of hard places and soft places. I like the successes so much more than the failures. I like the strength so very much more than the weakness. But that is not reality. Life is both.
Will I fail again? Will I make two giant leaps backwards again? Will I derail again? I hope not. But if I do, I will pick myself up, dust myself off, and I will begin again. Until one day I can say, “I did it.”
Are you in??? Good. Together we can become healthier - one decision, one habit and one day at a time. Let's do this!